Pregnant wife refuses to let her husband's younger brother continue living in their home after he starts asking for money and shows no urgency to move out: ‘He thinks he can just skip through life’

Author image for Cata Holmes
Cata Holmes • Writer
Jun 26, 2026 5:00 PM EDT

At what point does helping the family start enabling them instead?

I have to admit that I understand why this woman is worried. Maybe I'm wrong, but I also tend to trust my first impressions when it comes to people. Sometimes you meet someone who is actively trying to improve their situation, and sometimes you meet someone who seems perfectly comfortable letting everyone else solve their problems for them. From the way she describes her brother-in-law, it sounds like she's less concerned about his current situation and more concerned about what happens six months from now.

What really stood out to me is that she isn't just thinking about herself anymore. She's pregnant, on bed rest, and preparing to welcome a child into the world. That's a completely different mindset than helping out a family member for a few weeks. When you're starting a family, stability becomes a priority, and it's understandable to question whether someone who doesn't seem motivated to support themselves should be part of that equation. Helping family is important, but so is making sure that help doesn't quietly turn into a permanent arrangement.

Also, can we talk about the husband? I mean… does he have a say in this at all? From what I understand about the conflict is that none of them is willing to talk to each other and try to solve the problem. I'm sure there has to be a way of fixing this: if the brother is not going to leave any time soon, the least he can do is collaborate in the household and show a bit of respect.

The wife has to rest because of her delicate condition, so the best he can do is to be more helpful. If he doesn't have a job and cannot afford to live by himself (or not even his groceries), maybe he can do the dishes, or clean a bit up. I don't know… I'm just suggesting ideas. It would really bother me if I were in the position of the wife, because I wouldn't want to cause any more drama, nor quick out my brother-in-law just like that.

Advertisement
  • Woman sitting beside a bed with a thoughtful expression as her partner remains blurred in the background.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    Woman sitting beside a bed with a thoughtful expression as her partner remains blurred in the background.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 32(F) 13 weeks pregnant and on bed rest married to 30(M). He moved his brother in 2 weeks ago. I'm concerned. Simply because the way my husband describes his younger brother. He sounds lazy and unmotivated. I've been observing him these last two weeks.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • Anytime my husband goes anywhere, he jumps right in the car with him. Me and my husband could be spending time together and he just has to be hanging around. He's already been asking my husband for money.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • So, I sent this to my husband.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • Can I ask you a serious question? Have you talked to your brother about a timeline or plan, of when he's to be out on his own?
    via DoubleApplication919
  • I'm asking because... I'm a very observant person and I don't see him wanting to move out. I see him wanting to stay here as long as he can. You're his last safety net. He knows this. Yet, He doesn't live or act like someone who's eager to start their own or have their own.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • If he's never been pushed to stop relying on people, as his bottom line... you can't expect him to suddenly want to get it together. You want that for him; more than he wants that for himself. That's not a recipe for success. He's going to keep using that. With someone like this, he'll keep milking that for all it's worth.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • I've never been kicked out of my moms or my dads house. The reason being, every time I've been there, I start my own job hunt. I was constantly putting in applications. While at my dad's, I took the bus and walked to hand in job applications and do interviews. Until I could find a job; I was cooking and cleaning up around the house. Then when I get a job, if I still had to walk or take the bus, I just did it..
    via DoubleApplication919
  • When I got a job and my responsibilities shifted, I picked up as many hours as I could. This last time I lived with my mom; I worked 70+ hours a week; until they told me I was going over the limit and I had to go back down to 60 hours. I only had one day to clean. and run all my errands. But it didn't matter because I had a goal to pay off that car and get out here.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • You have to want to get out there and do it for yourself. if you don't have that spirit in you.... how can you live on your own? No one can want it more than your own self. Has he ever had to pay his own bills? Has he had a car before? Has he had to buy his own groceries? Does he know how to budget? How long has he kept a job?
    via DoubleApplication919
  • Pensive woman looking away while sitting near a bed, with her partner out of focus behind her.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    Pensive woman looking away while sitting near a bed, with her partner out of focus behind her.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • He's not disciplined and that lack of discipline is what worries me. I'm just worried and concerned that he will stay here longer than he should.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • I'm going to be honest; he wouldn't last a day living with any of my relatives. He's not showing enough initiative. Amazon is always always always hiring, they have 401k, retirement, good insurance plans, unpaid time, PTO, and they pay well above minimum wage.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • All you have to do is have an ID, social security card and pass a dog test. The bar is set really low to get into Amazon. If he really wanted to be independent, then he would take what he could get. Something tells me that working in general... isn't really his thing.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • I sit back and listen to you give him advice and he tries to talk over you and acts like he knows everything. That's not the sign of someone who's trying to understand and learn. But the mark of someone who doesn't want to admit that he's not taking initiative. He thinks he can just skip in life, by doing everything the easy way.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • We all have to do things we don't like but it seems like your brother thinks he can skip through life, never doing things he doesn't like. I understand that our prefrontal cortex doesn't develop until 25 but you have to have that disciplined attitude before then. Or else everyone around you will become a crutch or they'll always end up picking up your pieces. He has to want more for himself and I don't see that.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • Not having a bed, car, my own money, would be a motivator for me to find a job. I understand you wanting to find him one but we can't always rely on people getting jobs for us. And something tells me he's not interested in tree work. You have to have a certain work ethic and mindset for that. He'll half a it honey.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • Also, I have a feeling he'll only do just enough; so he can keep relying on you. What happens when he can't keep the job you get him? If he can't keep a job in general? He'll keep ending up here.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • It seems as though he wants people to take care of him, for the rest of his life. And I'm extremely concerned that it'll keep falling on your shoulders and this will become a constant thing. We're starting a family and this is the last thing I want to be dealing with. If he can't keep a job and keep up a life, he'll always end up back here with us. I can't deal with that.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • These are my concerns.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • Man sitting on the edge of a bed looking worried while his partner rests in the background.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    Man sitting on the edge of a bed looking worried while his partner rests in the background.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • justtirediguess11 You guys don't talk? Why send that longass message instead of having a face to face chat?
    via DoubleApplication919
  • Individual-Foxlike NTA. Your husband MASSIVELY disrespected you by moving in his brother without talking to you first. Even if you weren't pregnant and apparently high risk, this would be massively disrespectful. While you're vulnerable? Mind-blowingly stupid.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • PrincessLilybet Info: when you say your husband moved his brother in, did he even ask you first?
    via DoubleApplication919
  • Feisty-Body- NTA but you have a much bigger husband problem. He moved his brother in without your agreement, he has no plans to make sure he's out before you give birth, and he immediately invalidates your feelings and tells you that you're wrong about the brother. This is not someone who will be a good partner or father, you need to set firm boundaries and stop letting him walk all over you.
    via DoubleApplication919
  • NecessaryEssay2161 The bigger issue here is your husband. I read your comment that he didn't even ask you before letting his little bro move in.. Who does that? You're on bed rest due to pregnancy. You need to sit your husband down and set boundaries now!!
    via DoubleApplication919
  • cruiser4319 Depending on DuH's answer, I would be exiting the pregnancy and the marriage.
    via DoubleApplication919

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

moving in wife pregnant brother in law
Scroll Down For The Next Article